It took me almost a week, but I did it! I give you: 

Otherwordly Patron: The Drowned Man aka one of the worst class choices you can possibly make ;)

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The Drowned Man

The Runt. Mr. Eaten. The Drowned Man. All are names for your otherwordly patron, who has been alternately worshipped, cursed, vilified, and forgotten across the centuries. What type of creature it was is not known, nor is what it did to invoke its current fate, but this is known: Mr Eaten was betrayed, murdered, drowned, consumed. What little remains of it manifests itself in a shadow lurking at the edge of light, a fell voice whispering into dreams from the depths of a bottomless wall.

It is with this presence that you have made your foolish, fated bargain. With The Drowned Man as your patron, you will gain mastery and influence over wax, water, the chill wind that blows from the North. You will become versed in the art of betrayal, and sacrifice, and despair. Mr. Eaten offers no glory, and expects no worship. All it asks in return is everything you have. You will Seek its Name, you with go North, and you will not return. Do not do this.

Expanded Spell List:

Level 1 - St Arthur’s Candle:

The Faith-Candle. Betrayal haunts your footsteps, darkens the air around you, slips into reality in the form of wicked, hungry blade.

Adds Waxwail Knife (Ice Knife) and Dissonant Whispers to the list of available Level 1 warlock spells.

Level 2 - St Beau’s Candle:

The candle of loneliness. No friends speak your name, no warm hearth suffers your presence. 

Adds Silence and Blur.

Level 3 - St Cerise’s Candle:

A great effort, wasted. Your sacrifice embitters your magic, hooks its claws into whatever, whomever, it can find, and pulls them to your will.

Adds Animate Dead and Bestow Curse.

Level 4 - St Destin’s Candle:

No such candle exists. They will forget you, as they forgot him. Surrender.

Adds Confusion and Greater Invisibility.

Level 5 - St Erzulie’s Candle:

Hearts and queens and red. The ink whispers to you, entreating, imploring, enthralling. She is with you, now.

Adds Maelstrom, Commune.

ACE OF HUNGERS

The hunger gnaws at you, craving something rich and red and rare.

Starting at 1st level, your patron bestows upon you the ability to consume the flesh of your fellows as it was once consumed. As an action, you can use the power of Mr. Eaten to consume 1 pound of same-species flesh and regain 1d8 HP.

Once you use this feature, you can’t use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

DEATH BY WATER

The well-water sings in your veins, bending to your desires.

Starting at level 6, you gain one use of Control Water per long or short rest. Any sentient creature touched by the water must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or become Frightened for the next seven turns.

THE LIGHT ON THE EDGE OF SLEEP

THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE COMING

Starting at level 10, you gain one use of Sleep per long rest. When the target of your spell becomes unconscious, you can then send your patron to visit their dreams and whisper into their mind. They must then make a Wisdom saving throw. On a success, they wake instantly and suffer 4d6 psychic damage. On a failure, they suffer 8d8 psychic damage per turn until they are awoken.

VAKE-THE-BETRAYER

I will poison you with airs.

From level 14 onwards, you have the potential ability to betray your allies, friends, or companions for your own personal benefit. The more powerful they are, the more you gain. You make a ranged spell attack, causing your target to take their current level + 6d6 of piercing damage. You then gain your target’s current level + 3d8 HP. You can only use this feature once per long rest.

Bonus Eldritch Invocations:

Memory of Chains:

Do you recall how they came to that place?

You invoke the wretched memory of your patron’s imprisonment, and your own, in the mind of another at the cost of your own mental strength. That creature must pass a wisdom saving throw or suffer 3d8 psychic damage, half as much on a success. In addition, if they fail the save, you establish a temporary psychic connection with their mind. This connection allows you to always know the target’s location if the two of you are on the same plane. This effect can last for fourteen hours, but if you maintain the connection for longer than seven, you must make a wisdom saving throw every hour or take 2d8 psychic damage. Regardless of how long you maintain the connection, you automatically take 1d8 psychic damage upon severing the bond.

A Stain on your Soul

And all manner of thing shall be well

Prerequisite: 7th level

Your soul, or at least the ragged husk that is left of it, has intimate knowledge of pain. It is eager to share that knowledge. You cast Inflict Wounds without a spell slot, but are unable to move or or take actions until the end of your next turn in order to allow your soul to recover.  

Weeping Scar

A reckoning will not be postponed indefinitely

Prerequisite: A Stain on your Soul

Death marks the Drowned Man’s flesh, marks your flesh, marks their flesh. You cast A Stain on your Soul, but the target must continue to make Constitution saves for seven turns or continue to take 3d10 necrotic damage. Your body will suffer along with theirs, as the next healing spell you receive will only heal half the damage it normally would.